Dear Son,
Another year has passed and I’m not sure where it’s gone.
Last year I wrote about the five things we said to each other every morning before I left the house for work or you left for school:
Smart, kind, generous, helpful and courage.
This year we’ve added a few things to the list.
A few colours: green, grey and gold. I’m not sure what these mean but you do, and you were pretty adamant they had to make the list, so they did.
And finally, a new saying.
It’s a weird one, and by the time you read this for yourself, it might not make sense. But right now, we say it every morning. They’re the last words I say and the last words I hear before I leave the house for whatever my day has in store.
But they’re weird.
Ready.
Okay.
Every morning, before I leave the house we say three words.
Find your carrots
Told you it was weird.
But it’s actually our own secret code.
You see when we say “carrots” it’s our secret code word for “kindness.” And kindness is something a lot of people are taking about on your 6th birthday.
A few days ago, something happened. A very sad thing. A lady called Caroline died. She was famous, a brilliant TV presenter. I never met her, and I never worked with her. We where once at the same quiz night hosted by a mutual friend. He’s sad this week, as are all the other people who knew her and loved her.
In the last few days, weeks and months of her life people chose to be unkind to her. That’s not the whole story, the truth is, since the moment she became famous people where unkind to her. They’d make comments about her clothes, her hair, her choice of boyfriend, her lack of boyfriend, her age…anything they chose to really.
Some did it to sell magazines or newspapers. Magazines and newspapers that are saying they’re sad this week too. Maybe they’re hoping we won’t remember that they were so unkind for so long, and so recently.
Some did it to get laughs. They weren’t her friends, they didn’t want her in on the joke. It wasn’t like when you do an impression of my accent or make a face when mummy is fussing about you washing your hands. They chose to be unkind because they thought it made them funnier.
Some did it…well actually, I imagine if you asked some of them why they did it, they wouldn’t know. It seems like unkindness is just something that people do right now.
You’re only 6 so that’s not something you’d understand right now.
Actually, I’m 37 and that’s not something I understand right now.
But what I know is that every morning, before I leave the house you and I remind each other to find our kindness.
And while using our super-secret code word might seem silly, in a world where people choose to be unkind to sell magazines, make strangers laugh, or for no reason at all, maybe choosing to find our kindness every day might be more a mission than it should be.
And so, for as long as you’ll let me, I’ll ask you to find your carrots knowing full well that you’re bursting with carrots, that your life resonates carrots and that everywhere you go you bring carrots in abundance.
And for as long as you want to, you’ll remind me to find my carrots too. At work, behind the wheel, when I’m overtired, when I’m under pressure, for the people I love, for the people who don’t love me and for strangers I watch on TV. Online and in real life.
Carrots.
Carrots.
Carrots.
Happy Birthday Son.
May your special day be filled with joy and your every day be filled with carrots.
Love you
Dad x
Matt White 